WORKING life today is full of constantly evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it OK to date a coworker? Can you tell your team to get back into the office five days a week? Whether you’re a baffled Boomer, a muddled Millennial, or a confused Gen Z-er, our brilliant new columnist, Nicola Horlick, is here to help. In her fortnightly column, she will use her decades of experience of corporate life to guide you through the traps and set you on the path to success in an atmosphere that’s supportive instead of a minefield.
Dear Nicola,
There’s a guy in our office who, almost every time he passes me, just brushes against me in a way that could seem accidental but I know isn’t. Whether it’s aggression towards me over my role in a recent deal, or sexual harassment, I don’t know, but I do know I want it to stop. He also stands near my desk and jangles some keys he keeps in his trouser pocket, which I find very off-putting.
A colleague being senior to you doesn’t give him the right to make you feel uncomfortable
As he is senior to me, I can’t challenge this man. I keep mulling over whether there is something I could say out loud, in a way that doesn’t make too much of it but still makes him feel a bit embarrassed – and then he will stop. I’m nervous in case it would backfire.
What’s my next step?
Sarah
Nicola Horlick replies: You certainly can and should say something. The fact that your colleague is senior to you does not give him the right to make you feel uncomfortable. It may be that he doesn’t even realise that his behaviour is causing you discomfort.
There are two ways that you could approach the issue. The first would be to casually mention it in the office. The other would be to request a formal meeting with him.
Either way, you need to tell him that his behaviours are making you anxious and you want to know what he is going to do about it. My feeling is that as soon as you highlight what he has been doing and make it clear that you will not put up with it, he will stop.
If you speak to him either informally or formally and the behaviour continues, you will have no option other than to go to human resources and explain what is happening. If you have a proper, professional HR function at your company, they will then speak to him and ask him to stop. They will then keep in touch with you to see if the behaviour persists. If it does, they will most likely issue an official warning.
It may be that this is all too complicated and that it has affected your view of your employer. After all, senior management should be on the look-out for harassing behaviour, especially given all the high-profile scandals that there have been involving young women in the workplace in recent years.
Nicola Horlick is using her decades of corporate experience to help Mail on Sunday readers
You might take the view that, if the company isn’t properly looking to protect its female employees from predatory male colleagues, you should be making a move. It really is a seller’s market at the moment and there should be plenty of other job opportunities for you. However, I don’t see why you should be made to feel so uncomfortable that you have to take such drastic action.
You need to talk to your colleague and get a sense of whether his actions are just careless disregard for those around him or intentional.
Oddly enough, I had a similar situation at work many years ago. A senior male colleague kept brushing against me and I was confused as to whether he just had poor spatial awareness or was doing it intentionally. Eventually, it was all brought to a head when I was bending over to put a file in a cabinet, and he touched my bottom.
A male colleague, who was at the same level of seniority as me, challenged him and told him in no uncertain terms that he should not treat young female colleagues in that way. He never did it again.
asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk
