A Stanford-backed model used to navigate business conflicts could also be the key to saving your relationship.
Professors at the Ivy League school teach students about the ‘Pinch-Crunch theory’, which says people should address minor issues before they turn hostile.
But the framework can be used outside the classroom to aid couples in communicating through small conflicts.
‘Pinches’ are minor annoyances, such as your partner forgetting to take the trash out or regularly cancels plans last minute, but experts suggest people address the small irritations before it turns into ‘crunches’ that can end relationships.
Stanford University uses a specific framework to teach business students how to navigate obstacles. The advice, however, could be used by couples to help save their relationship
The Pinch-Crunch theory argues that it’s better talk about and resolve pinches as they arise, rather than letting them turn into a crunch.
It was first developed by psychologists John J. Sherwood and John C. Glidewell in the early 1970s.
Today, students in Stanford’s Graduate School of Business learn to use this theory to help them navigate professional relationships.
But the theory applies to all types of relationships, and can be especially beneficial for romantic partners.
People tend to avoid addressing pinches because they don’t want to create conflict in their relationship.
Sometimes it is okay to let pinches go, especially if it’s an issue that never arises again.
But the consequences of letting everything slide can be devastating to your relationship.
Harvard psychologist Olesya Luraschi recently discussed in a TikTok video about how this causes resentment to build up.
‘Over time, a pinch – a small irritation – will turn into a crunch. And a crunch is a really big irritation, it’s like something that you need time to work out,’ Luraschi said in a video.
She is a Harvard graduate and psychologist who helps people improve their lives and learn about their cognitive abilities.
Crunches take a lot more skill and effort to address than pinches do, and not every relationship survives them.
‘We don’t want to get to that point, that’s when relationships really suffer,’ Luraschi said.
It’s much easier to address and resolve pinches when they arise, even if it feels uncomfortable – or even silly – to talk about these little things that irk you in your relationship.
Plus, there are real, long-lasting benefits to talking through these minor issues with your partner.
Olesya Luraschi is a Harvard graduate and psychologist. She helps people improve their lives and learn about their cognitive abilities
If pinches aren’t addressed, they can build up over time and turn into crunches: major conflicts that can end relationships
For one, clearly communicating your pinches will help your partner understand how certain actions affect you.
There’s a very real chance that they are not aware that what they are doing bothers you, and they cannot change unless they are aware of the problem.
Additionally, this gives you a chance to better understand where the behavior is coming from.
These conversations can also reveal unspoken assumptions and expectations in your relationship.
This can help you and your partner become more aligned on what’s expected of each other and avoid future transgressions.
Once the issue is out in the open and you understand why it was happening, you and your partner can work together to figure out how to prevent it from happening again.
This allows you to repair and strengthen your relationship.
Finally, this process builds lasting ‘conflict competence’ between partners that will help them navigate future pinches and even bigger issues.
