Flirting with others to make your partner jealous really is a bad idea, experts have warned.
Whether it’s to boost your self esteem or to give your significant other a kick up the backside, it might be tempting to bat eyes at someone else.
But instead of strengthening your relationship it’s likely to backfire and damage your connection, scientists say.
A team from Reichman University in Tel Aviv conducted three different studies involving more than 500 people to investigate how people react when others show interest in their current partner.
All participants were in committed relationships and were exposed to situations where their partner either received unsolicited flirtatious advances or had a neutral interaction with another person.
Flirting with others to make your partner jealous really is a bad idea, experts have warned (stock image)
They were asked to rate their sexual desire for their partner, their interest in trying to maintain the relationship and their interest in deterring rivals who hit on their partner.
Analysis revealed that when other people showed an interest in their partner, they then exhibited reduced interest in investing in the relationship, felt less desire for their partner, but did become more concerned about thwarting potential rivals.
The researchers said that when you’re single, external interest in a potential partner can serve as a valuable cue to their desirability.
However, once in a committed relationship, that attention may be perceived as a threat and trigger defensive reactions.
Writing in The Journal of Sex Research they said: ‘Across three experiments, we showed that individuals perceived their partners as less sexually desirable when their partners received unsolicited attention from someone else.’
Analysis revealed that when other people showed an interest in their partner, they then exhibited reduced interest in investing in the relationship, felt less desire for their partner, but did become more concerned about thwarting potential rivals (stock image)
They said that when faced with a ‘threat’ individuals may aim to distance themselves from their partner to avoid the potential blow to self-esteem from rejection, ‘rather than risk further attachment to a partner whose commitment could be compromised by rival suitors’.
‘Overall, our findings highlight the circumstances under which external attention directed toward partners can erode relationship well-being instead of fostering relationship promotion,’ they said.
‘When partners’ likelihood of being attracted to someone else is perceived to be high, such as when they receive attention from others, people may emotionally detach from their partner and consequently reduce their relationship investment.
‘Even though the desire to deter potential rivals may still exist, it may be more rooted in retaliation than in genuine efforts to maintain the relationship.
‘Alternatively, the anger triggered by others’ displays of interest may be simultaneously directed toward both partners and potential rivals, albeit in different ways – resulting in emotional disengagement from partners and confrontational responses toward rivals.’
To conclude, they wrote: ‘On a final practical note, our findings suggest that, contrary to commonly held beliefs, attempting to arouse interest from a current partner by seeking attention from others may backfire.’
