There is a saying in the City and the world of finance, where I have forged a career over three decades.
People don’t leave a job because they don’t like the work, but because they don’t like the boss.
We all know there is plenty of truth in that. One tell-tale sign of a toxic chief is a rapid turnover of staff who can’t wait to stampede for the door.
The only problem is, in today’s woke, post-Covid workplace, pampered employees seem to label any boss who does not instantly pander to their every demand as ‘toxic’.
And with an economy blighted with shortages of good staff in every sector including finance, staff know they can walk out with near impunity, easily finding another job. Then if the boss there doesn’t suit them either, quite possibly just repeat the process all over again.
I am sure female bosses such as Miranda Priestly, a ruthless editor in The Devil Wears Prada played by Meryl Streep, are more likely to be called toxic than their male counterparts
The tide will no doubt turn at some point and the balance of power will shift back towards employers.
Until then, if you’re an executive, particularly a female one like me, then watch out.
I would freely confess that by some of the definitions used by young staff today, I AM a toxic boss.
Not that I think I’m poisonous. My staff may not realise it, but I genuinely care for them and make great efforts on their behalf. I have had sleepless nights more than once. Genuinely, I want them to succeed: apart from anything else, for selfish reasons – because when they do well, so do I. When any of them are having difficulty, I help.
I don’t particularly expect gratitude, though it would be nice. But what I will never do is turn a blind eye to poor performance. I have high expectations, and that in itself, in today’s climate, seems to offend some younger staff.
‘Toxic boss’ has become a catch-all term young people use for anyone senior to them in the office who won’t let them do exactly what they want and won’t let them get away with poor quality, half-hearted work.
I can’t help noticing the description is handed out far more readily to women bosses than to men.
Employees, many of whom have become lazy and selfish through ‘working’ at home during and after the pandemic, patently think the office is a cross between a playground and a therapy centre.
The idea of putting in any actual effort is low on the priority list.
Reading the latest conflicting reports of Harry and Meghan’s treatment of their staff set me thinking about what being a good boss actually means these days.
Meghan is said to have been a demanding and capricious tyrant, and to have dealt with some employees as if they were tradesmen.
I don’t know about you but when I deal with tradesmen, I lavish them with boundless consideration because it is so hard to find good ones.
Whatever. It was the defence of H&M I found really troubling.
When she was ill, the Sussexes’ current PR chief says, they treated her with ‘the kind of concern and care a parent would express if it were their own child’.
Women of course, are expected to be nurturing and to put others ahead of ourselves in any setting including the boardroom, this writer says
And here is the problem in a nutshell. Any decent boss would show an appropriate level of concern to a sick member of staff. But as ‘if it were their own child’ – really?
This suggests a good boss, in particular a female one, has to be somewhere between an anxious mother and a full-blown saint.
Sorry, but I’m an executive, not Mother Theresa – and if that makes me a toxic boss, so be it. I couldn’t possibly treat all my team as my children, even if I wanted to – I don’t have time and it would do them no good.
It’s dangerous to blur the lines between professional and personal lives. ‘Work family’ is another term I hate almost as much as ‘toxic boss’.
I try my utmost to be decent to employees. Ultimately, though, they are there to do a job, not to be petted like five-year-olds.
As a female boss, I am aware that some staff, possibly unconsciously, think I will be softer on them than a man and therefore they try it on.
Some of them – not all young – do act as if I am their mum, mistakenly imagining I will indulge them, as a mother would, and seem to think it is my job to clear up their mistakes and messes.
Guess what: I don’t find these antics cute or lovable, just annoying.
They need to know the boundaries, and to realise I am not their mum, or even their friend – I’m the boss.
The first few times they get things wrong, for instance if they mess up on a project or a client pitch, I will protect them.
But if they don’t listen and improve, I will then stand back and let them fail. The only way people learn is by facing consequences – if I bail them out every time, they will never improve. I won’t do their jobs for them either – and if that means it ends in what people in the City call ‘a hard conversation’, so be it.
I’m sure some would see this as symptom of a toxic boss.
I would say it is not doing people any favours to prop them up and allow them to continue with a false idea of their own capabilities.
Most people on my teams over the years have been great. They understand that my role is to deliver performance, to satisfy customers and investors, not to cater endlessly to the demands of a spoiled minority of disaffected employees.
I don’t have any problems with anyone who performs well, and I doubt they have a problem with me.
As for the others – I don’t want them to see me as a toxic boss either. Shouting, ranting and swearing is not my style, but even if it were, I wouldn’t give in to the urge – it would be just asking for HR trouble.
Instead, I use more subtle methods. The strategically raised eyebrow. The long silence. The searching look. The forensic questioning. An air of disappointment. An audible sigh.
I have always avoided overt conflict at work. It’s far better not to get into a fight with anyone, because usually both sides end up damaged to a degree.
I try to steer people to their own conclusions as to whether they are going to thrive.
Genuinely toxic bosses wreak great harm to their staff, their businesses and ultimately themselves
Maybe the woke brigade would call that gaslighting, I would say it’s a sensible and mature approach.
In any case, it’s the safest way in a climate where any form of criticism seems to be treated like a war crime.
I am not even sure what a toxic boss is. It is one of those terms like ‘narcissist’ bandied about without too much thought.
I often think it is weaponized by untalented and lazy staff to justify their own shortcomings.
Rather than confront their faults, it’s so much easier to blame the boss. This attitude is aided and abetted by a compensation industry and a cadre of self-appointed workplace gurus who have never had a real job in their life.
Women of course, are expected to be nurturing and to put others ahead of ourselves in any setting, including the boardroom. When we deviate from that model of perfect self-sacrifice, we are seen as toxic.
There is still an outmoded and sexist attitude in some quarters that having a successful career is tantamount to a character defect for a woman.
I certainly think it is impossible for any woman to reach the top of her profession without being portrayed as a tyrant, deservedly or not.
My first inkling I myself might be seen as a toxic boss came when my mum and I watched The Devil Wears Prada, which has now been turned by Sir Elton John into a West End musical opening this autumn.
Discussing the film, Mum suddenly asked me: ‘You do realise you’re not supposed to be on Miranda’s side?’
Well, I could see she was over-demanding, but still I was totally Team Miranda. I groaned on her behalf at the parade of incompetence that confronted her on a daily basis. I admired how she instilled fear with an icy glare and a menacing ‘that’s all.’
And Andie: what a simpering, self-righteous drip. Who turns up at Runway magazine in a ghastly ill-fitting jumper and frumpy skirt?
I am absolutely sure female bosses such as Miranda are more likely to be called toxic than their male counterparts. If she had been male, there would have been no movie.
Men are still held to lower standards of boss behaviour as they are of every other kind. To be branded a toxic boss as a man, you have to hit the level of Mohamed Al Fayed. For a woman, all you need do is fail to send flowers if a junior’s pet dies.
When I entered the workplace, a naïve young woman in the nineties, nothing could have prepared me for the male ogres who unashamedly infested the upper echelons of banking and finance.
We called the executive suite at one firm where I worked Jurassic Park because their behaviour was prehistoric even by the standards of the time.
I never worked with Fred Goodwin, the ferocious boss who brought Royal Bank of Scotland to its knees in the financial crisis.
He was a few years ahead of me at one firm where I worked, and I met him several times on the industry circuit.
Goodwin, who at RBS was known for holding morning meetings to berate his colleagues to within an inch of their lives, was toxic. He crashed the bank, his own career, and nearly the entire UK economy.
The vain and reckless bankers back then got away with it for a time because they seemed to be geniuses at making money. The financial crisis debunked that delusion.
The culture has changed and rightly so – the prejudices and the bullying taken for granted in my early career are no longer tolerated.
Genuinely toxic bosses wreak great harm to their staff, their businesses and ultimately themselves. I don’t believe they succeed in the long term. But we have swung much too far the other way.
Let’s not mistake a tough manager for a tyrant.
I don’t think my approach makes me a toxic boss – just a boss.
Yet I worry that, based on the ridiculous mentality that has a stranglehold on the modern workplace, I might well be branded that way.
Some links in this article may be affiliate links. If you click on them we may earn a small commission. That helps us fund This Is Money, and keep it free to use. We do not write articles to promote products. We do not allow any commercial relationship to affect our editorial independence.
