Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting for all parties involved.
But what if it’s not? What if there was something you didn’t like or wanted to change?
This might sound like an easy conversation, but it can be very anxiety-inducing to many sexually active individuals.
To give some insight into the somewhat awkward conversation, DailyMail.com spoke exclusively with three sex experts.
Relationship expert Dr. Channa Bromley, licensed psychotherapist Ciara Bogdanovic, and sex educator Hannah Foxx all weighed in on the discussion.
How should approach the conversation with your partner?
It can be difficult to speak up on such an intimate topic, but you have every right to ask for a change.
Dr. Channa Bromley told FEMAIL: ‘Telling your partner you do not like something they are doing in bed is not just about communication.
‘It is about power dynamics, emotional intelligence, and whether they actually respect your pleasure or just tolerate it.’
Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting for all parties involved. But what if it’s not? What if there was something you didn’t like or wanted to change? (stock image)
She continued: ‘A simple, direct approach works best. “I love it when we do X, but Y does not really work for me. Can we try something else?”
‘Framing it around pleasure instead of rejection prevents unnecessary defensiveness, but that only works if your partner is emotionally mature enough to handle feedback.’
Ciara Bogdanovic suggested a similar approach to the topic.
‘One way to do it during sex is to redirect your partner by saying what you would like them to do,’ she began.
‘Adding some encouragement also helps the process. “It’s so hot when you… Let’s switch it up.”‘
Hannah Foxx also weighed in on the topic, providing the fundamental principle when it comes to giving constructive feedback.
‘The difference between feedback and criticism is consent,’ she explained to FEMAIL.
‘If you don’t create a framework for how to give enthusiastic consent, how to share that something isn’t working, or how to tell someone that something feels great and you want more of it, you’re missing a key part of communication, and that’s remembering that the message isn’t about you, it’s about the audience.’
To give some insight into the somewhat awkward conversation, DailyMail.com spoke exclusively with three sex experts (stock image)
Where should the conversation happen?
Once you’re ready to bring the topic up to your partner, where is the best place for it to happen?
Dr. Channa Bromley said it, ‘Shouldn’t happen during sex unless it’s a minor adjustment.
‘If something is an ongoing issue, addressing it in the moment puts both people on the defensive.
‘The best time to talk about it is when you are both relaxed and open, not when emotions and egos are heightened.’
What if they have a bad reaction?
Your partner’s reaction might be a major factor that’s holding you back.
Dr. Channa Bromley said: ‘The way they handle this conversation will tell you more about them than whatever happens between the sheets.’
She continued: ‘If they react poorly, that is the real issue.
‘A healthy partner will be receptive, curious, and want to adjust.
‘A fragile or self-absorbed partner will take it as criticism and make it about their ego rather than your experience.
‘If someone gets defensive when you tell them what feels good for you, they were never prioritizing your pleasure in the first place.’
Ciara Bogdanovic suggested a question you can ask yourself after the conversation.
She also said, ‘You have a right to ask for your needs and desires in a relationship.’
Ciara went on: ‘If they have a poor reaction do a check the facts with yourself.
‘Did you insult them or provide the feedback in a way that was unkind?
‘If not, then recognize that you did your part and don’t blame yourself.’
What if they don’t stop after you’ve asked?
An even bigger concern after the conversation is had is what if they don’t stop.
Dr. Channa Bromley urged this could be a much bigger issue than just sex.
‘If they do not stop after you have asked, it is no longer a sex issue. It is a consent issue,’ she stated to DailyMail.com.
‘No means no, even in long-term relationships.
‘If someone refuses to respect that, they are telling you exactly what kind of person they are. You should believe them.’
