Ren is in a constant battle with themselves – and their three other personalities.
The 19-year-old college student, who uses the pronouns they/them, is one of just 1.5 percent of people living with a rare psychiatric disorder called dissociative identity disorder (DID).
For people with this condition, previously called multiple personality disorder, life revolves around balancing their multiple – and distinct – personalities.
When confronted with a flashback of a traumatic even, Ren goes limp. Sometimes there’s a headache or tingles up their back and then there is the ‘switch’ and Ren becomes another person.
Ren doesn’t remember any of their time as the other personality, known as an ‘alter,’ and they experience amnesia, losing minutes or hours of their life.
They told DailyMail.com: ‘Whenever I feel like I’m about to switch I get very afraid and I don’t know why.’
In these patients, estimated to be between 0.1 percent and 1.5 percent of the global population, a variety of alters – separate and unique personalities – exist outside of the host – the most prominent or primary personality. Together, the host and alters make up what is called ‘the system.’
Each alter is a distinct ‘person’ with varying characteristics, such as different voices, handwriting and even medical conditions.
Actor James McAvoy plays a man with dissociative identity disorder (DID) in the 2016 film Split
In the film, McAvoy has multiple alters, including a little boy named Hedwig (portrayed above)
Ren is the host of a system with three other alters, all of whom switch unexpectedly at random.
They are never alone in their head, saying: ‘When I start my mornings I hear my “parts” talking with each other or trying to communicate with me. The voices are coming internally, which means they sound a lot like my own thoughts — except they’re not.’
DID is the brain’s way of defending itself. People are not born with it and the condition is believed to be a response to abuse or trauma.
DID fragments a person’s mind into different personalities as a way for the person to disassociate and imagine their trauma is happening to someone else, resulting in an alter being born.
When a traumatized person is attacked or suffers a triggering flashback, their brain might ‘switch’ to an alter to escape their reality.
Dr Caroline Fenkel, a licensed clinical social worker, told DailyMail.com: ‘It’s a way for the person to protect their sense of self by detaching from an experience that feels too painful, dangerous, or unbearable to process fully.
‘The mind, in its need for survival, fragments to shield the core self from trauma.’
This fragmentation creates a safer mental space where the person can cope, even if that leaves them with a disjointed experience of self, she said.
Sexual violence, particularly in childhood, is believed to be the root cause in 90 percent of people who dissociate, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
This Redditor showed what the handwriting of each of their alters looks like. Different alters can have different quirks as well as likes, dislikes, and styles
In one system, there can be child alters. In this case, a child alter within an adult system had just learned to hold a pencil, while another adult alter in the same system is a talented sketch artist
In order to be diagnosed with DID, a person must have at least two distinct alters, but not every system will develop more than two. The average is 10, but some systems have reported having more than 100.
Time loss and dissociating are typically the first complaints patients have before being diagnosed with DID.
Doctors also look for signs of other conditions that could be mistaken for DID or be occurring at the same time, including schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder.
Dr Krista Jordan, a psychotherapist based in Austin, said: ‘My own clients with DID came to me having been diagnosed with major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizotypal or borderline personality disorder and PTSD.
‘It often takes years of seeking care before the correct diagnosis is made, which is problematic because the treatment for DID is highly specific and involves integration of all of the different memories stored in different “personalities/aspects/alters” so that you can create “co-consciousness.”’
Natsumi, 19, who uses they/them pronouns, told Dailymail.com they have about 25 alters and refers to the system as ‘we.’
They said: ‘All the alters have different roles in the system, some handle tasks that are just uncomfortable or hard. We find they tend to manifest randomly, sometimes another one will just appear in the headspace without us actually realizing, a lot of the time they introduce themselves during a moment of strong emotion.
‘Switches can feel different for everyone, ours are pretty much like zoning out for a moment, our body kind of goes a bit numb for a moment… During most switches it kind of feels like just spacing out for a moment and almost as if the body is empty. It’s a bit hard to explain.’
There are many different types of alters – people may develop animal, robot, child, teen, opposite-sex, suicidal or homicidal alters. Protector alters are common and may become aggressive to fight off abuse. They try to manage feelings of emotional and physical pain, anger, fear, rage, or shame.
Bo Hooper (pictured) from Plymouth, Devon in the UK, claims to ‘share’ her body with 25 different personalities – including a teenage boy and an angry middle-aged woman
Ms Hooper is pictured above as her five-year-old alter Leyla
Dr Jordan added: ‘Each [alter] maintains their own memory systems. Due to that, there is a lack of cohesion in the personality, such that if you have a conversation with one “personality” the other “personalities” may not be aware of it or remember it later.
‘For example a patient may not remember what they did earlier in the day, it could be a complete blackout – and must not coincide with excessive use of drugs that could otherwise explain the lapse.
‘They may see things written in a handwriting that they don’t recognize but does not belong to anyone else in the house. They may meet people out in public who know them by a different name.’
Natsumi, the host with over two dozen alters, told DailyMail.com as a child they witnessed their grandmother die first-hand, and the family never addressed their grief, which they believe triggered their DID.
Ren, meanwhile said that when they were younger, they had been abused by a man they hardly knew.
While it wasn’t the event that triggered their DID, it led to the appearance of a new alter.
They said: ‘I don’t remember much of what occurred due to blacking out on the situation.
‘Since then I haven’t had any mental distress with what had happened that day, but whenever that particular alter fronts they feel very unsafe and tend to show distress towards what had happened.’
Eventually one of Ren’s alters ended up harassing someone online, including making death threats, and later escalated to threatening them in public.
But when that alter receded, Ren was shocked at what the alter had done and had to ‘clean up’ their alter’s messes. The ordeal led to legal action taken against Ren, leaving them humiliated with a tarnished reputation.
Ren said: ‘I had [an alter] who would just say very vile and angry words over and over again, I don’t quite remember what it was but it was similar to like “you’re pathetic;” “I hate myself, I hate myself;” or “f**k you.”‘
Their alters all identify as male, including one Ren has named Lunacy, who has taken a toll on their relationships. Lunacy lacks empathy and commits rather ‘delinquent’ and mischievous behaviors.
They said: ‘The alter I call Lunacy is incredibly problematic and exploitative with people, and for people, I mean past friends.
‘It’s gotten to a point where I’ve given up on making friends and socializing out of worry and shame. I’m still an extrovert at heart though, and I’ll always yearn for people.
‘I used to be jealous of my alter Lunacy, still kind of am, because they lack the emotional instability that I have and they aren’t shameful to talk to people and socialize which they practically stole from me.’
Ren told this website: ‘They tend to lack any sense of responsibility and morality and never think twice about their actions — which has caused me a lot of trouble I’ve had to clean up.’
90210 star AnnaLynne McCord (pictured in 2023) opened up about the ‘lightbulb moment’ she had that lead to her accepting her near-fatal battle with dissociative identity disorder
The actress (pictured as a kid), 36, revealed that she had been diagnosed with DID in April 2021, which she said she developed after suffering from sexual trauma as a child
To try to quiet the many different voices in their head, Ren stays busy seeking adventurous activities, and listening to music helps them feel grounded and calm throughout the day.
Meanwhile, Natsumi said: ‘What mainly causes our switches is when something specific to an alter shows up in our lives.
‘For instance, one of our littles [a child-like alter] comes out a lot when she sees play grounds or ice cream shops, and if we’re overwhelmed at all some of the more calm and caring alters will step in to help out.’
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While DID can’t be ‘cured’, it can be treated.
Specialists who treat people with DID typically work to help the patient establish self soothing techniques and coping mechanisms and confront the traumatic memories that influenced the onset of the condition.
During one phase of treatment, therapy focuses on merging different aspects of the person’s identity, another focuses on recovering relationships with healthy boundaries, and the last is setting goals that enrich a patient’s life.
Alters typically don’t go away completely but with enough work with a therapist can merge to create a more unified sense of self.
Doctors might also decide to try prescription medications. Antipsychotic medications have been shown to reduce how often a person switches between alters.
Dr Jordan said: ‘Interestingly even though DID sounds like a severe psychiatric disorder, and its symptoms can be very distressing to patients, the treatment is fairly straightforward and often only takes a few years with a qualified professional.
‘So with proper diagnosis and treatment people with DID can lead safe, productive and happy lives.’
