Would Prince Andrew have been able to resume his career as a helicopter pilot if he’d applied for the vacancy currently being advertised by his brother, the King? 

Highly unlikely as the Palace’s HR vets all candidates, stating: ‘We will contact your professional, and sometimes personal, referees. We’ll also undertake background checks in order to process your security clearance.’ 

Unfortunate choices of friends and a paused (but not abandoned) FBI investigation would inevitably scupper him. 

And he might find producing a couple of acceptable referees a struggle. Ah well, back to the golf course.

Would Prince Andrew have been able to resume his career as a helicopter pilot if he'd applied for the vacancy currently being advertised by his brother, the King?

Would Prince Andrew have been able to resume his career as a helicopter pilot if he’d applied for the vacancy currently being advertised by his brother, the King?

Highly unlikely as the Palace’s HR vets all candidates, stating: ‘We will undertake background checks in order to process your security clearance’. Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, at Naval Air Station Portsmouth

Ghislaine Maxwell with Jeffrey Epstein, which was shown to the court during the sex trafficking trial of Maxwell in the Southern District of New York

From her celestial perch, Queen Victoria must be baffled at the time it’s taking to erect a London memorial for her great-great-granddaughter Elizabeth. 

The monument was agreed ten months ago under the late Queen’s private secretary Lord Janvrin. Yet the leisurely timetable of the special committee handling the project means it doesn’t have to present proposals to the King and Prime Minister until 2026. When Victoria died, the site for her spectacular monument outside Buckingham Palace was agreed within two months. 

The budget was £200,000 (£20.6million today) raised by public subscription, with a surplus paying for Admiralty Arch and a Buckingham Palace upgrade.

At Wednesday’s PMQs, Angela Rayner did a Diane Abbott, shouting that the recent investment summit ‘put about £63million into our economy’. 

Tory MPs laughed at this elementary error. To the rescue, Hansard corrected her howler to ‘£63billion’.

At Wednesday’s PMQs, Angela Rayner did a Diane Abbott

Championing the joys of being at the wheel in old age, Dame Joan Bakewell cheerfully confirms she’s still ‘zooming’ around central London at 91. 

‘I drive daily. I rely on my car a great deal, I depend on it. I zoom around in it, I go into the House of Lords.’ Does Joan’s motor fit between the red benches?

Sir Keir Starmer, beleaguered with demands for slavery reparations, won’t be amused by Ricky Gervais’s latest observation. 

‘If I had lived 300 years ago, I’d have had slaves,’ Ricky tells his audience at the Barbican. ‘I’d have been nice to them.’

‘If I had lived 300 years ago, I’d have had slaves,’ Ricky told his audience at the Barbican

Nigel Farage, confidently predicting Donald Trump’s election victory, commends his staged stint serving at McDonald’s. ‘If he does it again,’ he tells The Spectator, ‘I’ll volunteer to stand beside him and serve the milkshakes.’

Geoff Capes, who has died at 75, clearly inherited his pugnaciousness from his 6ft, 18st mother Eileen. When a teacher at his primary school in Holbeach, Lincolnshire, twisted his ear until it bled, Eileen turned up and punched him. ‘She laid him out!’ Capes recalled cheerfully.

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