Comedian Zoe Lyons reveals her blind spot about pensions

Zoe Lyons was heralded as one of the UK’s brightest comedians 20 years ago when she won the Funny Women Award 2004, writes Dan Moore.

Since then, she has been making live audiences up and down the country laugh, as well as turning in memorable appearances on shows such as TV’s QI, Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You and Live At The Apollo.

Zoe, 53, lives with her long-term partner Sindy in Hove, East Sussex. 

Her first job after York University, where she read psychology, was as a waitress to pay her way through drama school in London. Next year, she takes to the road with her comedic tour, Werewolf.

What did your parents teach you about money?

The problem was my dad, who was a chemical engineer, was very reluctant to talk about money. I remember asking him how much he earned and he’d never tell me. It wasn’t so I could wheedle more out of him, I was just genuinely trying to gauge how much you need to survive. My mum, who’d had various secretarial jobs over the years, always used the line ‘There’s money here if you need it,’ but I never worked out how much that was. Was it a fiver, £500, £5,000?

I grew up with my brother Fintan who is now a project manager for BP. My step-father came along when I was ten. He was a bank manager, but it turned out he wasn’t the best with money.

I think he was impressed with money, but not the best with money.

He worked for the Bank of Scotland and invested all his money in their shares, then the bottom fell out of the market and he lost the lot. What I learned from him was to hedge your bets.

Have you ever struggled to make ends meet?

When I began to do comedy in 2003 and started earning. It was hand to mouth for quite a few years. I had no Plan B. I got paid £15 for my first gig, which made me think: ‘There’s gold in them there hills’. That’s how desperate I was. 

You’d take anything offered to get stage-time. I remember getting paid £100, which was quite a lot of money – but it was in Plymouth. I had to drive there, fill up with petrol, buy a sandwich and on the way, I got flashed by a speed camera, so I think I made minus £5. There was a lot of that, a lot of just staying afloat.

Have you ever been paid silly money?

A few years back I got nice money, not silly money, but nice money to do infomercials for travel firm Tui, and they flew my fellow comedian Mark Watson and me out to Jamaica for a week. That was one of those jobs where you go, ‘This isn’t bad, is it?’ I’ve had a couple of these over the years, and they come out of the blue. In this case, my agent called and asked what I was doing Friday. I said, the Comedy Store in Manchester, and she asked if I wanted to go to Montego Bay instead. I said: ‘Yeah, all right.’

What was the best year of your financial life?

Probably 2022. I had a few big telly jobs, including the BBC2 quiz show Lightning, which boosted the coffers. I also got quite good at doing corporate work, which changed the landscape significantly. It gave me freedom to choose what I did, so that I didn’t need to do the weekend clubs and the circuit. Travelling was getting to me and I was constantly exhausted, so I’m forever grateful.

I think there was a snobbery among comics about it for a while, saying it’s not real comedy, but I took to it. I’m quite money-motivated and worked out that if I got good at these things, it would do me no harm financially.

The most expensive thing you bought for fun?

I stupidly bought an old Porsche Boxster for £12,000. It was a mid-life crisis, really. I soon realised this old Boxster wasn’t going to make me happy, so I sold it and bought another for £27,000. It was fun, but I came to my senses and got rid of the second one, too, although I miss them like long-gone members of family.

What is your biggest money mistake?

I had a real blind spot about pensions, which is weird, because I’m pretty good with money, finding the right Isas, mortgages and so on. But for some reason, I went down a black hole when it came to pensions and didn’t have one for years. I have one now, of course, starting about three and a half years back, so my biggest money mistake was not seeking financial advice.

Best money decision you have made?

Locking into a five-year mortgage five years ago at 1.4 per cent. It still makes me chuckle because the interest I’ve paid is nominal. It’s meant that when we come to renew in April, I can get rid of the mortgage.

Early days: Zoe back in 2011

Do you own any other property?

No, just our flat in Hove. We’ve lived here for 12 years, having moved from London about 20 years ago. I live really close to Hove station, so I’m in London in an hour, I’ve got the sea at the end of the road. The South Downs are behind us about a mile away.

I’m very lucky, I suppose, in that a lot of the things I enjoy doing are free, but there’s also so much culture going on here. It has got a bit silly and expensive now, with a lot of people moving down post-pandemic, but we don’t plan to move. Our philosophy with property is to have a very small footprint, so we can shoot off and do nice things.

What is your number one financial priority?

Making sure we don’t die in penury! My attitude to money has changed over the years. Now it’s about having enough. Owning our flat outright is a massive thing, as is having that pension and being a bit more financially savvy than I was when I started out.

I did a corporate event the other night for Women in Finance, and we got around to how we were never taught about finance at school. I find that really interesting and sad because if your parents don’t talk about money, investments, futures and planning, where are you supposed to learn it?

We find talking about money a bit grubby in this country. My brother lived in the States, where discussing money is what they do, and young people there are very clued up about money matters. So, my top priorities are to stay informed and financially independent.

• Tickets for the Werewolf tour are available from zoelyons.co.uk.